When Digging in Changed Everything: Laura’s Story

For the month of October, the women from Heritage will be sharing their individual stories of how and when they discovered the life-changing power of God’s Word.  

By Laura Adams

I never knew the depths of my selfishness until the voice of God broke into the inner sanctum of “Me” and revealed the Light of His Glory. It is almost impossible to explain how even within the epicenter of self, I “bowed the knee” and moved aside as the Lord of majesty took center stage. What had always been “me,” became “US.”

I could only abide….

Where before, my thoughts and feelings kept me in bondage to self-interest, now I was “smaller;” aware that I was no longer the supreme value of every decision. Reality of character and conduct, right and wrong, had just shifted off the axis of Me and turned my whole world upside down.

Up until this point, my life was a closed sphere. By nature and nurture I was a classic introvert.  Avoiding conflict before it happened, preferring solitude and the companionship of animals to the fickle friendship of humans. Nature was my cathedral and “getting high” my way of worship. I had never sought  “God” as it were, but I believed there was a higher power and I deeply longed for a world made right.

This invasion/intervention was relieving. I was no longer alone inside the sphere of my personhood. The prevailing authority of God’s Word had taken permanent residence within my soul. Although I only heard His voice, and not yet read the bible, had someone told me this presence was the great I AM! I would have nodded knowingly…
Yes, He is the I Am…
I was now the little me who used be the “I am” inside of me.

I had become “US” in a strange and wonderful way. He was supreme and I was subordinate, but He was Savior/Lord not tyrant. He was redirecting my thoughts and intentions of my heart to a new and liberating reality. His “speaking” was recreating my mind.

He was Father teaching me to walk.
He was revealing His world to me through new eyes.
He became my shelter and my confidence.
I now turned toward Him with every desperate need.
Inward prayer began to change my entire way of life.

This inner “walking alongside” lasted for about two years. Then in a series of orchestrated events, I was catapulted into the world of “church” and given the treasure of God’s written Word. There would be no turning back. I could not un-see or un-know the truth that had been experientially shown to me.

Yet I needed the bible to confirm the awakening I had experienced. If the last two years had just been emotional or chemical imbalance, this holy book in my hand would be certain diagnosis. I had either become a new creation… or I had exceeded my own sense of imagination.

I LOVE reading…
And I connect easily with the mind of the author in the stories they created. No one is perfect, however, every plot or character is no more than the expression of the human mind. Yet, the Bible is said to be the Word breathed out of the very mouth of God.

The Star-breather…
The uncreated One…
The Perfect Story Writer…
If He who wrote this Book, was HE who was within me, I would know it, and I would know it fairly quickly.

Immediately, I found my own journey with God mirrored in the pages of ancient history. I found the same infinite mind and redemptive salvation echoed in every book with piercing, personal clarity. This was truly written by the God who saved me. And these words were still fresh and alive with relevant truth and relational implication.

This Word was law…
And it was also love.
It became the lifeline to my soul.

I can say with honesty I never doubted the bible’s authenticity of absolute truth.  It became very clear to me that this was not a book for me to “learn” as much as it was a Word for me to believe and receive. The God within me was the Holy Spirit. The God who was Author was Father, and the God who saved me was Jesus Christ our Lord. They were ONE, and I was One with them. My trust now rests in God’s sovereign, all-encompassing character. And even when I was afraid of obeying or fearful of potential consequences, I understood at the deepest level of self that He was for me and He was for my good.

The Living God had given Himself to me…
Love poured out like that cannot be contained…
To yield to Him is to give myself away…
To joyfully serve, knowing He is fulfilling all the “rightness” I have ever dreamed of…
To generously forgive others, as I had been forgiven…
To fearlessly extend grace and mercy, even as it had been extended to me.

Now I understood the greater “Walking Alongside…”
He with me, and I with them. If the Holy Spirit dwells within them, we will be One together and share this common salvation and story of eternal hope and reconciliation. Our Father intended for us to be US minded… allowing this good news to penetrate every area of life.

This October marks my 28th year of sifting the scenery through the lens of the Gospel. I am continually undone by the grace that sustains me…

This journey towards “oneness” is hard. We live in the overlap of two ages…
The reality of fallen humanity is still death. Those not awakened to new life are deceived. They do not “hear” the Word of the Lord for truth. Their hearts are consumed with selfish desire and ambition.
They only hear what they want…

Yet, we who are redeemed are like seeds of light, sown among the darkness. Our life of hope, revealing the good news of God’s salvation! Our Kingdom’s citizenship is slowly but surely becoming more evident. This is the place of “already, but not yet” redemption.

In the struggle of faith much of what we know to be true is still unseen by many. This is hard… But the Word of the Lord compels loving unity among His people. A genuine community of faith is more radiant in their us-ness than they are by themselves. Yet putting off the “old man” and putting on the “new man” requires getting naked. Most of us would rather do this in the privacy of our own soul…

I understand…

For me, I learned trust had to be freely given to my Savior FIRST, before I could genuinely give it to another human soul. But within the intimacy of that genuine honesty is FREEDOM! Knowing you are really forgiven gives great fearlessness to “put off” and “put on” in the presence of other siblings in the great household of God.

To “hear” the Word of God and not obey the heart of the Speaker is a sign we do not trust Him…
As we trust the ways of our heavenly Father we will be open to “transparent transformation.” We will love one another with sincerity, learning to live honestly and intimately with one another. So that together we may shine like lights in this passing age.

 

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