By Holly Dyer
A few weeks ago….
I sat next to my youngest child today and watched as the nurse held the little machine in his ear. I was practically willing him to say “beep” because I knew the test had more beeps than one. I watched his eyes, concentrating on what he was hearing, and I kept thinking, he is hearing something, surely he will say “beep” again. Surely, he must hear them…
She asked him again after the test was over, how many that time? “One” he replied in his adorable, four-year-old voice, thinking this was some kind of elaborate game we were playing.
The nurse shook her head, disappointed, then left the room, returning a moment later with the name and number of a specialist who is equipped to fully test his hearing.
This is not what I expected… I went to the pediatrician so they could tell me why he hasn’t been able to hear me- unless he is looking at me- and to clean whatever wax was pushing up against the drum to muffle sound. Surely, I thought, that must be the cause. It couldn’t be anything else. He is the picture of health.
It was the first time I have ever been disappointed to hear that my child had nothing wrong. No inflammation, no fluid, and no wax in his ears. Well what then could be the problem? I have no idea…
I took the paper and walked my son to the car, whispering in his ear along the way, testing what the volume had to be for him to understand me. My mind began to wander. What could this mean? Should I be worried? I feel like I should be worried. My four year old has just failed his hearing test! I should be sick with worry, right? But I am at peace. I trust that God has got this.
I prayed for him in the quiet of my mind on my way to get my other children. “God, to you be the glory. Please use this situation in my child’s life to draw him closer to you and to bring glory and honor to Yourself regardless of the outcome.” But it wasn’t the prayer that I would have prayed a short time ago. I continue, “Please God, restore his hearing if it be your will. But regardless, be with us, may your will be done.” This is not the pleading prayer that I still expected from myself. But by God’s grace, I am not the parent that I was a few years ago, and I definitely know my Father in a more intimate way than I did then.
1 Peter 5:6-11 (NIV) says:
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
Who am I to decide what is best for my child? His heavenly Father knows so much better than I….
As my mind wandered, I began to follow the logical path of what this might mean… Will the loss continue? Will he need hearing aids? Could he become deaf? We will need to learn sign language? I must teach him to read before he loses all ability to hear me… And on and on… Then that familiar and almost comfortable feeling of worry started to flood over me.
But that was not where He wanted me. For my glory, I almost heard him say. And the worry vanished as quickly as it had come.
But a new thought now plagued me: Am I bad mother? Shouldn’t I be worried? Don’t good mothers worry about their children when something like this happens?
But the word says we will be made “strong, firm and steadfast.” Does that mean that I should bend with worry at the first sign of trouble? Absolutely not. In fact, I believe it means I should not bend to worry regardless of the degree of trouble.
In Matthew Chapter 6 vs. 34 (NIV) Jesus says:
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Don’t I know that to be true…
I feel like I have worried enough for a lifetime already. When did I buy into the lie that good moms worry?
Will I change overnight? Probably not. But will I pray for that continual change in my life? Absolutely! And He IS faithful to change me. To mold me into His image. May I be molded even right now.
My prayer going forward:
Lord, help me walk in your grace; guide me by the power of your Holy Spirit. May I no longer walk in fear of what the world can do to me, because you are bigger. Your purpose is bigger. May the Holy Spirit consume my life with much greater capacity than the way that worry and fear used to.
I am still struggling day by day to really surrender, but I have hope that one day I will not even be tempted to worry, and that I will be so changed that I will not recognize myself as I am now.
I pray the same for each one of us as we walk out this Life that God has given us, this gift from him that will go by so quickly. I pray that we will be transformed by the incredible power of the Holy Spirit each and every day!
I want to leave you with one thought that really hit me the other day. One of my other sons has become so cautious about his food lately (because we are often encouraging the boys to make healthy choices) that he often turns down things we offer him. I began to be concerned that he is not getting enough calories for his size. While at the Pediatrician’s office for a checkup, I mentioned this to the doctor, and she said something profound to him. She asked him if he trusts that his dad and I have his best in mind for him. He said yes, and she told him that he no longer needs to worry or be concerned about any food that we offer him and whether or not it’s healthy, or if he should turn down a second helping. As long as it is one of his parents that are offering the food, he can always trust it, because we will make sure we are concerned about his best. I thought this was such a great perspective, and he seemed to really make connection with it. I was so thankful for her wisdom in that moment.
Several days later as I was thinking about the things I have been walking through, this story came back to my mind, and I realized… If my son can trust that what I give him is good for him, how much more can I trust that what God gives to me is good for me? His love for me is so much more than any love I can ever feel for my children, and He has an infinitely greater ability to give good gifts to His children.
So ask yourself…
Can you trust God?
Do you trust that He has your best in mind?
If your answer is yes, then you have nothing to fear, because he has your absolute best in mind, no matter what your circumstances look like at this moment.
If your answer is no, then there is a gap between what you know of God and what His true character is and we want to pray with you and share with you. Please, if you don’t know that you know that you can trust that he is a good Father, we want to hear from you! You can call the church office here at Heritage at 541-772-8200 or you can contact us through our website at HeritageFellowship.net. We are all in this together!